Categories
Peplum

Maiden Voyage: Hearteater #1

Kimona, better known as the Hearteater, is an adventurous pirate lass, who along with her talking raven companion Zephyr, have had their fair share of encounters with treasures, riches, and near death misses. Their newest adventure brings them to Port Harmony, where a magical voice compels Kimona to rescue Finn, a handsome scoundrel of a thief, sentenced to be hung at the gallows. After getting intimately acquainted with each other during the night at an inn, a mystical bell that Kimona wears around her neck begins to glow, signifying a new adventure for the trio.

PDF Cover.

Hearteater is crowdfunded, erotic pirate comic set during the Golden Age of Piracy. Published by the women-owned Laguna Studios, (an offshoot/successor of Unlikely Heroes Studios), the comic is written by Laurie Foster (The SurgeonSuper!), with Cari Salviejo (XenogeistHypergeist) on line art, Patty Arroyo (cover artist for Bombshell & Atomica,Roseblood Manor) on colours, Saïda Temofonte (Number of the BeastDCeased) on lettering and Brian J. Lambert (Wingless Comics founder) and Sarah White (The Surgeon) as editors.

Genre waves come in cycles: rising, cresting, and retreating every few years. The pirate genre is no exception. After a period of cooling from the numerous Pirates of the Caribbean films, the last few years have seen pirates remerging in all corners of media: television (Our Flag Means Death), video games (Sea of Thieves, and Ubisoft’s freshly released, though somewhat maligned Skull and Bones), music (Visions of Atlantis), and comic books (The Pirate and the Porcelain Girl). Laguna Studios’ Hearteater definitely contributes to the pirate genre canon while overtly embracing the erotic angle promised by tales of swashbucklery. 

Kimona is a fun character, who knows what she wants and is always on the prowl for the next promise of adventure, be it by the sword or between the sheets. She is also a liberated character, both in race and gender, which gives her the agency and mobility to do her pirating deeds. Her raven familiar, Zephyr, acts as her voice of reason, but Kimona is the type of character who does not always give into reason.

Issue one of Hearteater is fairly short, there is no seafaring or sword fighting to be found, but there is an escape attempt and a steamy love scene. Kimona proper gets her character foundtations fleshed out and it is easy for readers to latch on to her.

While the narrative sets up the chess pieces as is traditional in first issues of a new series, the art of Hearteater tells a different story: great characters but forgettable backgrounds.

The expressions and details on characters such as Kimono and Zephyr are great.

The characters, especially Kimona, in Hearteater, look great. Kimona has the best facial expressions that compliment her speech bubbles and make transparent her emotions. Her seductive poses are sultry (with some breast jiggle onomatopoeia thrown in for good measure) while her other depictions show her in command, perhaps with air of mystery as readers are learning more about her.

Opening panel of the comic.

The background art, on the other hand, falters a bit. The opening shot of the comic, designed to lure readers in right from the get go, is an aerial shot of Port Harmony, filled with nondescript, featureless, flat buildings. Hearteater may actually be aware of this limitation because subsequent panels focus on closeups of Kimona and other characters, rather than have backgrounds shown in detail. It’s a shame since in the pirate genre, setting is important as readers want to be whisked away to tropical islands and port cities. The look of the characters nails it, but the world proper needs a bit more love.

Hearteater’s Kickstarter campaign concluded in the autumn of 2023 with backers receiving their rewards in February 2024, a pretty quick turnaround. As with many crowdfunded comics, Hearteater sported a variety of alternative covers – both in normal and risque formats – and came with a handful of extras from meeting stretch goals.

Zheanhmeart risqué cover – personal copy.

Artists who contributed covered are Cari Salviejo, Ian Richardson, KodiArt, Dravacus, Zheanhmeart, and Katy Rewston. All the covers are great, making choosing one a difficult process. Salviejo’s cover though, showing Kimona surrounded by green tentacles, hints at the eldritch elements stated in the Kickstarter campaign but not shown in issue one (something to look forward to in the next issue).

Rewards for the campaign included a metal bookmark and a chibi-esque sticker of Kimona.

Backers also received both digital and physical prints done by Mike Watson and Veronica Smith.

Pirates are awesome and Hearteater is looking to be fantastic as well. The erotic elements are definitely sexy, Kimona and company look to be fun characters to invest in and see their adventure continue, especially if it might venture down into Lovecraftian/Eldritch horror territory while maintaining the pirate atmosphere. A Lovecraftian-Erotic-Pirate story? Yes, please!


Links to know more about Hearteater:

Categories
News

Biweekly News Roundup 2024-02-11

Personal / Website News

Peplum Ponderings: In The Name of the King 2

It’s been almost 2.5 years since my last “Peplum Ponderings” (which was on Messalina [1960]), so hoping 2024 is a good year to bring that series back.

Starting off with a “Peplum Ponderings” of the 2011 Uwe Boll film, In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds. Check it out here!

The next few “Peplum Ponderings” will probably be on the pepla of actress Bella Cortez.

Scholars from the Edge of Time

And, coinciding with the above article, Michele and I talked about Two Worlds on the January episode of Scholars from the Edge of Time, which can be watched on YouTube.

Miscellaneous Tidbits

Marx Warriors of the World

In early February Michele and I attended the AZToyCon over at the Mesa Convention center. The con was 90% Funkos, but there was some neat stuff here and there.

One of the things I spotted was a vendor with a Tupperware full of CIB of these late 50s/early 60s plastic figures form a company called Marx. The line was “Warriors of the World.” I had never seen or heard of these before, but I loved, loved the vintage box art on them. There was a handful of Viking ones, but quite a few Roman solider ones, so I plucked up three of them.

Look at those boxes!! Are they not awesome? I wanted to open all three, but I didn’t want to risk accidentally tearing a box, they have older style flaps inside. I did manage to open Tiberius:

There’s the box, a little card with a bio, and the figurine proper, all handprinted. It’s about the size of a classic green plastic army man. But I really dig it! Once I get a proper curio cabinet in my office, I’ll open all three boxes and put these bad boys on display.

Autographed Stuff

Ship of Dreams

In early January iconic horror writer Brian Lumley passed away. He and Gary Myers are probably the two most important authors at shaping Lovecraft’s Dreamlands after Lovecraft has passed away. We have not had a chance to discuss Lumley’s work on our H. P. Lovecast Podcast, but we hope to in the near future.

One of Lumley’s Dreamlands entries is the book Ship of Dreams, which I have this awesome, limited edition, autographed copy.

The cover art by Allen Koszowski is spectacular. Here is the back cover:

Friends’ Stuff News

Neverending Streamer Substack

My friend Travis has a new article at his Neverending Streamer Substack. It’s about episode 4 of the Marvel streaming series Echo. Subscribe and check it out here.

Bible Films Blog

Matt Page has a new article at his Bible Films Blog called “Which Bible Films Celebrate a Significant Anniversary in 2024?”. There’s a lot of films on the list with movie birthdays so check it out here.

Angela Sylvaine Short Story Collection

Angela Sylvaine will be having her first short story collection published this spring by Dark Matter Ink. It is called The Dead Spot: Stories of Lost Girls and is already available for pre-order at the Dark Matter Ink Store.

Of course, Angela has been on our HP Lovecast Podcast twice: talking about her novella Chopping Spree and talking about her debut novel Frost Bite. Click the links to have a listen and then consider supporting her work!

Categories
Peplum

Peplum Ponderings: In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (2011)

Plot

Granger (Dolph Lundgren) is a retired special forces soldier who runs a martial arts gym in Vancouver, Canada. Sometime in the past he lost his squad during a battle, and each anniversary since then he sips a whisky in their honour. While partaking in his yearly ritual in his home office, he is assaulted by black robed assailants – Dark Ones – which he dispatches with his fists and firearms. In the midst of the skirmish, warrior-wizard Elianna (Natalie Burn) appears, summons a portal, and takes Granger back in time to the ancient kingdom of Ehb. When they manifest by a lake, Elianna is stabbed by a Dark One. After Granger kills the foe, he is besieged by the king’s right hand man, Allard (Aleks Paunovic), who knocks Granger out and takes him to the forest fortress. There Granger meets the king (Lochlyn Munro), who tells Granger he is a chosen one and part of a prophecy where he is to slay the Holy Mother (Christina Jastrzembska), an evil witch who has brought a plague upon the land.

After being tended to by healer Manhattan (Natassia Malthe), surviving an assassination attempt by a wench (Michaela Mann), and consulting a blind fortune teller who lives in a tree (Elisabeth Rosen), Granger is briefed again by the king and sets off into the forest on his quest. Though wanting to go solo, Granger is joined by Allard, Manhattan, and a small squad of the king’s soldiers. Granger and company are ambushed twice by the Dark Ones, with the second time Allard sacrificing himself to allow Granger and Manhattan time to escape.

While fleeing, Manhattan injures her leg, so Granger leaves her in a safe area by a stream and sets off alone to the Dark Ones’ camp. He deduces the Holy Mother wants him alive, so he strolls into the camp unimpeded and gains audience with the Holy Mother who informs him that the king is actually an alchemist named Raven, who is the real villain in the kingdom. He unleashed a plague that killed off many and took over the throne. Granger is actually a child from the prior royal family that the Holy Mother took to the future to hide from Raven, and now that he is back he needs to fulfill the prophecy: find the “catalyst” and defeat Raven. 

The Holy Mother, who turns out was one of the Dark Ones who assaulted Granger in his house, passes away, leaving warrior Dunyana (Heather Doerksen) as the new leader of the Dark Ones. She and her men escort Granger to the outskirts of the dark forest where he is supposed to venture in to search for the unknown “catalyst.” Before entering the forest, Granger uses his new kingly abilities to make Dunyana the new leader of Ehb.

Granger enters the forest and encounters a dragon. As he is about to fight the dragon, Manhattan appears and throws a rock at the beast. The two escape and encounter a squad of Raven’s men, who are quickly dispatched by the dragon that was in pursuit. Granger and Manhattan flee the forest and run into Raven and his small army who take the two captive and back to the forest fortress where he intends to execute them. Just as he is about to kill the duo, the dragon arrives and starts attacking the fortress. Dunyana and her men, who have been waiting in hiding nearby, deduce that the dragon is the catalyst, and charge into the battlefield. 

Raven makes his escape with Granger in pursuit. Arriving at the lake, Raven opens a portal to the future where he intends to unleash his alchemy plague. Raven and Granger hop in and find themselves in Granger’s house. Granger easily dispatches Raven by drowning him in his bath tub and stuffing his vial of plague solution into his mouth. Granger returns to his home office to do a new toast to his new fallen comrades. While doing so, an amulet given to Granger by Manhattan begins to shimmer.

Commentary

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (2011) is a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court-style neo-peplum and the second film in Uwe Boll’s In the Name of the King trilogy. As of 2024 it is the second to last video game inspired/adapted film that Boll has directed, the last one being In the Name of the King 3: The Last Mission (2014). Like the first film in the series, the only connection Two Worlds has to the Dungeon Siege PC games of the aughts is being set in the kingdom of Ehb.

Two Worlds can be best summarized as diet Army of Darkness (1992). Both are low budget affairs that involve a time traveler unwittingly thrown to Medieval times, being part of a chosen one prophecy, having to kill an ominous villain (Bad Ash/Holy Mother), and questing to procure a “thing” (Necronomicon/the catalyst [a dragon]). While Army of Darkness has gone on to enjoy decades of cult film appreciation, Two Worlds is fairly run-of-the-mill. There are two primary issues with Two Worlds that hold it back from being a better film: Lundgren (and how he is portrayed/portrays himself) and the writing. 

Lundgren is a proper action star, from bigger budget, A-list, popular films (Universal Soldier [1992], Rocky IV [1985], The Expendables [2010]) to direct-to-DVD fare (Diamond Dogs [2007], Icarus [2010], Silent Trigger [1996], etc.). In 99% of Lundgren films a viewer will know exactly what to expect: Lundgren bringing the martial arts, fisticuffs, and gunplay. Sadly, Two Worlds falls into that 1% category where Lundgren is not on his A-game.

Per IMDB trivia there are two reasons in tandem that are throwing off Lundgren: that this is a paycheck role and that he injured himself early in production. Paycheck roles are not bad per se, they can be fun or elevate an otherwise unremarkable film. Paycheck gigs can be an indicator of enthusiasm for the actor in some instances, with some going through the motions to collect their salary (see the advent of geazer teasers), while others still take their part seriously (such as Nic Cage during his financial troubles, he still brought “Nic Cage” to everything he did).

However, coupling a paycheck role along with Lundgren injuring himself and you have the performance of an actor who definitely does not want to be there. Lundgren must have been in some serious pain because he looks uncomfortable in every shot he is in. This is not the uncomfortable of a fish out of water scenario, (which is what should be going on in this time travel tale), but of someone in legit pain. Because of this, it can be assumed that Boll had to drastically alter the film’s action scenes to accommodate Lundgren. He has one scene in the forest where he punches, kicks, and spears soldiers part of an ambush, but a good chunk of the film shows Lundgren resting, sitting, or laying down. Narratively, the film tries to justify Lundgren’s lack of physical performance by showing scars on his back, that he was previously wounded in battle, and still takes medication to combat his lingering injuries. It is, pun intended, only a bandaid for the film. For these reasons, it appears Lundgren is not able to bring his full Lundgren-ness to Two Worlds, especially since he is no stranger to fantasy roles having played He-Man in Masters of the Universe (1987), but commendable for him sticking it out. 

The second major fault with Two Worlds lays with its writing, specifically in two arenas: the film does not lean in to its main, unique feature, and the film has no narrative stakes and will unfold the same way regardless of the presence of the Granger character or not.

Firstly, Two Worlds does not take advantage of its premise: that of a special forces person thrust into Medieval times. This movie should have had multiple scenes of Granger using his special forces expertise to dispatch enemies, infiltrate camps, and gather intel. Army of Darkness leaned into this attribute with the character of Ash (Bruce Campbell), even though that character is a normal person: he trains Arthur’s army, has a shotgun, uses a chemistry textbook to make explosives, outfits his car with a giant rotor and so on. The character of Granger exclaims he wants to sneak into the Holy Mother’s camp, but the king instead outfits him with a squad of soldiers, ruining an opportunity for modern day covert activity action. There is one sequence where Granger sneaks up on an unsuspecting soldier as they are cooking and then stabs them. Granger then proceeds to walk into the Holy Mother’s camp unimpeded, as he is expected, rending his stealth kill unnecessary. Movies such as The Final Countdown (1980) and G. I. Samurai (1979) narratively take advantage of modern tech/skills in historic times, Two Worlds does not.

Secondly, this is a film were the events that unfold do not “count,” like a movie that ends with everything being a dream, lowering the narrative stakes. If Granger had not time traveled back to the era of Ehb, the movie would end in the exact same way as if he did: Raven may or may not attempt to kill the Holy Mother, but regardless he will still take the time portal and – surprise – end up in Granger’s house. At that point, the movie would end in the same fashion of Granger defeating Raven as he would be an intruder in his home. The only reason for Granger to travel to the past is because the prophecy of him being the chosen one dictates it. Unfortunately, the plot of the film leans too heavy on the chosen one prophecy as it is used as hand-waving justification of why the movie unfolds the way it does. Why does Granger need to head into the woods? Who knows – prophecy. What is he questing for? Who knows – prophecy. Why do the Dark Ones, if they are the good guys, attack Granger in his own home? Who knows – prophecy. And so on. It’s a panacea for bad writing.

Boll, to his credit, salvages what he can with an injured actor and a script that was no doubt in flux. The woodland battles look good and the use of sweeping shots of tree-covered mountains give the film an epic quality to it. The choice to film in winter is an interesting one. Everyone in this film is obviously cold, with their breath visible in every shot, but this cold factor adds a gritty element to the film. 

As a neo-peplum film, Two Worlds is sword and sorcery in the post-Lord of the Rings vein. There is not an emphasis on bodies in Two Worlds as one would find in 80s barbarian films. Like a peplum strongman character, Granger primarily uses punches and kicks to dispatch his foes. He is given a sword towards the film’s final act, which he unsheathes when he encounters the dragon, but he does not actually engage in combat with it. 

Aside from the brief shot of his back in his gym at the beginning of the film, Lundgren/Granger’s body is never on display in Two Worlds, so no Ivan Drago shots to be found. Though he is not portrayed as a traditional strongman character, Granger does share some characteristics with Conan in that they are both orphaned very young and grow up learning how to fight (Conan as a gladiator and Granger as a special forces member). In a related observation, the kingdom of Ehb is similar to Conan’s Hyborian Age, a prehistory fantasy setting that allows wiggle room for magic and history proper.

There is a genre meta reference when Granger asks Allard if he is into “swords and sweaty sandals.” However, the jab sounds like it is trying to ape Airplane’s (1980) “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?” except it comes off as needlessly homophobic in Two Worlds. The reference is welcomed, but it could have been delivered in a non-derogatory manner. In fact, this is another missed opportunity in that Granger could have brought up pop culture references of fantasy and peplum films to help him make sense of his time traveled predicament. 

Boll has a reputation for making bad movies, particularly video game adapted films, but In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds is one of his better works. The movie proper is competent and scratches an epic fantasy itch. If Lundgren had been able to perform at his 100% his presence would have elevated the film to a more memorable status and provided a much needed wink-and-nod to make the greater narrative more digestible.